Last month I rambled on a bit about what it is like to be a twenty-something and whatever that means and how your
friendship dynamics change a fair amount when you are in your twenties. Whether this be because of geographical changes such as moving for university, social changes such as friends going off to have babies and get married or just the usual drifting as you get older.
In this post (give it a read here!) I mentioned how it was going to be the first part of a little 3 part post I had planned… well finally here is part 2!
Soz its taken a while, this one took quite a bit of research due to my lack of expertise, plus I kept changing my mind about the points I wanted to make.
Part 2 is the part I think I find the most scary about being in your twenties, probably because I feel like this is the area that seems to be the most similar to jumping into the unknown. I appreciate that taking risks and trying new things is good but for me I find the unknown a bit scary and uninviting!
That being said part two is about…
Dun Dun Duuuun!
So where to start?
I for one have no idea where to begin when it comes to relationships, probably because I have little to no experience of romantic relationships. Yes I am one of those that has never been in a relationship and I could not tell you why, but I’m okay with that. This is not because I like sleeping around, am to selective, scared of commitment or whatever other misconceptions people have about relationship virgins but because I haven’t felt ready or ‘right’ with anyone yet. I have had little ‘flings’ or almost relationships, which have resulted in hurt, but that’s a guaranteed as you grow up.
Sometimes it would be nice to have something to contribute to all those late night relationship
conversations with the girls while being slightly emotional and drunk on 2 for £6 wine and everyone just says ‘how would you know you’ve never been in a relationship’ (it hurts guys, I can still help!). But then, this probably sounds like I’m a terrible person, but it can be nice to know I don’t have all those problems that people in relationships have. Yeah I don’t get the good stuff either but I’m alright on my own (or at least I’m used to it by now anway!).
I think I’m pretty wonderful and that’s all that matters, right?
Something with relationships and dating nowadays that scares me is the fact that social media contains pretty much everything. This kinda, for me anyway, makes me feel super vulnerable. I know I have nothing to hide but I also know how much I stalk other people (c’mon you all do it!) and it worries me how social media and can effect a relationship and trust between 2 people. I don’t want to be scrolling through Facebook waiting to see if someone is commenting on someone else’s post, I don’t want someone to be checking if I’m online because I haven’t replied. I don’t like the idea that you can get to know so much about a person through their social media posts, I could go through someone’s page and find out that they have divorced parents, 2 brothers and a sister and that he went to visit his dad in 2009 in Florida for 2 weeks when he was 15 and broke his leg falling down the stairs. I don’t want to know that through social media I want you to tell me when you want to tell me.
I don’t really know why everyone is so obsessed with being in a relationship nowadays, or why people seem so scared of being on their own. Don’t get me wrong its not that I want the freedom to do whatever I want with whoever I want and sleep with every guy out there. I just don’t want to get into a relationship which is a waste of time.
With some people it’s like they get out of one relationship whether it be a long or short term and then within a week or a few days, they are in another! Then there are others who seem like they are just looking for a relationship in everyone and seem to be attached/attracted to everything with a pulse. I thought the point in a relationship is that you find someone who you believe is different to everyone else and believe that you fit together so you work your way through the confusing thing that is life together. Or is that just me?
Don’t get me wrong, I have been one of those people who has had a few little and possible rather big breakdowns about how I’m going to end up as a lonely 40 year old spinster, childless with a cat. But then I pull my big girl panties on and get over it. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen, I can’t force it and setting me up with a million different people and allowing me to attach myself to the nearest male isn’t going to get me into a ‘proper’ relationship any quicker. Plus I don’t want to be spending time on someone who isn’t worth it, they say that when it comes to relationships ultimately you are either going to break up or get married. I think that is my issue, I am yet to find that person who I feel I could marry plus I want to be selfish with my time for a little longer.
I think that that’s one of the things I find so scary about relationships, especially in your twenties, is that these are the years when you are growing up and learning how to be an adult and live a decent life on your own. I feel like you get to a point where you feel so comfortable on your own and can cope so well by yourself that bringing another person into it seems a bit scary. As though they are going to invade the peace. Well to me it does anyway!
But then it also scares me that I don’t want to be so comfortable on my own that I end up turning into that lonely spinster with a cat. I do want a relationship, with babies and all that kinda soppy stuff. But I just want some more me-time first and I don’t want to get into a relationship and lose all the progress I’ve already made on myself whilst trying to be a grown up on my own and end up relying heavily on someone else again. Plus it seems a bit weird to be in the stages of life where you are learning to be okay on your own without relying on others but then bundling yourself with managing to cope with all the changes and baggage a relationship may bring. It seems like a lot of hassle, no?
I don’t really even know where this is going any more, I’m just kinda rambling.
Soz about that.
I just don’t understand why everyone is so hung up on being in a relationship and why people seem to think your relationship status defines you. No I haven’t ever been in a serious relationship or ever even had the privilege of having someone call me their girlfriend. But I’m kinda okay with that. I don’t want to be alone forever, and I didn’t plan to be making my way through life as single twenty-something girl. But at the same time I don’t want to get into something if it’s just going to end, I’m not prepared to waste my time and open up to the wrong person.
Surely being alone for a bit until my Mr Darcy comes along and I’m ready to open up, rely on and commit isn’t too much of a ridiculous idea?
What are your thoughts on relationships in your twenties?