So over the last few weeks I have pretty much been dead to the blogasphere, sorry about that but I’ve had a lot going on! I honestly don’t have a clue where to start, it’s been a bit of a bitter-sweet few weeks. There has been lots of amazing things which I could easily cry big happy tears over but then there has been lots of things that could very easily make me get back in bed with all the food and hide under the duvet for a good 2 weeks. It seems that everything that has been happening has either got a happy silver lining or a horrible dark sad shadow hanging over it depending on how optimistic you’re feeling.
Maybe its just me being all hormonal and emotional?
So what has been going on?
Well lets start with some happy stuff, just before I returned to university my very close friend and my grandads foster daughter who has been like a big sister to me for the last 10 years, gave birth to her lovely little sproglet. She is absolutely beautiful and to think that for the last few months we have been seeing her wriggle and kick in there is amazing! The summer has been full of little happy memories because of that little bump, the baby room decorating, Roulade/cake nights with Megan and the terrifying sleepless nights and tearful phone-calls to the hospital when we were all full of fear and confusion. But Freyja is here and she has this little head full of dark hair and I know that this little baby is going to bring so much happiness to both Megan and our entire family. I unfortunately haven’t had the chance to meet her yet because of returning to Chester but I’m sure I’ll get lots of cuddle dates with her in the near future! This has probably helped to fuel my homesickness!
This is one of the things I’ve been struggling with over the last week or so. I always have suffered when it comes to homesickness, but for some reason it is worse this year. I don’t know if it is because I’ve spent so much time at home or because my summer has been pretty amazing, without all the crappy family arguments that usually happen, but this time around it seems to be hitting me even harder. I think because I stayed at my grandad’s this summer and had other people/plans rather than being stuck at home all the time, this gave me and my family some space so we didn’t argue as much over silly little things. Meaning my overall summer and time back in Norfolk was pretty wonderful and full of mainly good memories.
There is so much that I’m missing and feeling a bit lost without; I miss my school runs with Grace and her giving me life advice, which for a 6 year old is pretty great advice! I miss my ‘Evie and ‘Wonun” days with all the bead threading and nail painting. I miss my mum, there’s nothing in particular to miss when it comes to my mum, I just miss her even if she spends far too much time on her phone and ignores me half the time. I miss my dads terrible jokes and roast dinners. Chloe the annoying little craphead because I need someone to annoy me and her lack of intelligence is actually pretty funny most of the time. And my grandad of course, its weird how we didn’t really do anything except have our daily 10pm cups of tea and watch absolutely terrible western/sci-fi films and all the programmes about murder on the ID channel but I miss the nothingness and the comfortable silence with him making random hilarious one-liners.
Which is obviously making coming back to Chester so so so much harder.
It’s also really hard to come back to Chester, which for the last 2 years has been pretty damn amazing and for it all to be different. I have never really dealt well with change, and I don’t think I ever will be one of those people who see’s change as a wonderful new adventure. I like the way my life is, I love all the people who are in it and I don’t see the need for it to change. But it has. So I need to cope with that and if I’m honest I’m really really struggling.
For the last 2 years I’ve lived with the same group of girls while at university, and we have become so close that I have grown to see them as my family. I have really opened up to them about different things and have learnt to let go and be as relaxed as possible around them. I honestly do love them to pieces and I could not see my life without them. I know that I definitely wouldn’t have made it through the last 2 years without them there to make me laugh and cry and to give me that harsh but true advice when I really needed it.
But this year is going to be different, 2 of my amazing friends have moved out and have been replaced by these 2 girls who are equally as lovely but so different to my two friends who have moved out. I know that I will grow close to the new ones but I can’t help but have a little breakdown about the fact that my friends who I am so close to and do spend a lot of my time with are no longer here. Yes they are only round the corner but it’s so wierd here.
So quiet and so different. Its not even a good different yet.
For example we went on a night out and we bumped into them out and the fact that they then went back to theirs and we had to go back to ours didn’t sit right with me. Also after every night out we have this little routine of everyone crawling into Rosies bed, laughing and gossiping about the embarrassing drunk stories from the night before with all hungover cuddles followed by a massive McDonalds pig out!
And this week that didn’t happen..
I laid in my bed until 3pm feeling like death filled with drunk embarrassing stories and no one to tell them to, feeling a bit lost without all the partly-drunk messages and high pitched screeching and with no one to give me hungover cuddles like Emily does.
This house is so quiet without them, I miss the random dancing while cooking, the acceptability of pyjama days and laziness. I have noone to have slightly mean gossip sessions with without being judged, I miss Rosie and her ability to put to most random outfit together and make it look like it should be sold that way. I miss my random nicknames that make no sense, and the randomness of life with them.
It probably doesn’t help that the new house mates are so different to what I’m used to, they are quiet, very tidy and have normal sleeping patterns. There’s no staying up till 4am and having dinner at midnight. We talk and laugh about completely different things. Yeah I don’t miss the mess and plates that haven’t been washed up for a month and loud TV but it’s just a lot of dramatic change all at once.
I suppose its just going to take some time?
I don’t even know where this is going anymore.
I’m literally rambling on and making myself very sad, so I may go eat a jar of Nutella and cry a bit.
I know that it’s all going to get better with time and that Rosie and Emily are only round the corner. I just wasn’t prepared for all this change all at once!
But apart from feeling very lost and not having a clue what to do with myself due to all this change, I’m pretty wonderful! Love being back home in Chester, the homesickness will ease off when I get settled back into my life here with all my friends even if it is different, they are all definitely closer now than when I was back in Norfolk.
It’s been a very odd and bitter-sweet few days, especially with my tendency to have a breakdown accompanied by T Swift and a big jar of Nutella, I just need to remember that every cloud has a silver lining. Yeah it may feel a bit crappy but it’s not as bad as it seems. Afterall I’m an hormonal girl who likes to over-think life so it’s all good, get a grip woman!
So that being said, I’m off to pretend to have a healthy lifestyle and do some excersize…
(more like sit on the floor watching the videos andexamining Jullian Michaels hilarious facial expressions!)
Soz for all the emotions and the lack of happiness throughout this post!
Get ready for all the chocolate truffle reviews when my chocolate hamper gets here next week!